Guilt
by dancer4813
Summary: If only he had been smarter, if only he could have seen the signs... A sort-of stream of consciousness fic about Ron analyzing his faults and their contribution to his sister's ordeal at the hands of one Tom Riddle. Set after COS, sad and marked tragedy, but no death.


Ron was laying on his bed, listening to the ghoul in the attic clang some pipes together. The noise would have upset him more had he actually been trying to sleep, but he was wary of the nightmares that had been bothering him for the last few weeks and he was doing all he could to stay awake.

Images of his sister, blood and water wetting her hair and tears filling her eyes as she clung to him floated through his mind and made him search furiously for some other image to take its place.

If only he had been smarter, they could have rescued her earlier. If only he had seen the signs, his sister wouldn't have been controlled by a madman. If only he had been braver and stronger, he could have been the one to rescue her instead of being trapped behind an inpromptu stone wall.

It all came down to him. How he wasn't good enough, how he needed to be better. How he needed to break away from the norm.

He kept trying and trying, but he could never seem to do it. Could never make a name for himself that meant he was his own person - special and unique, different from every other.

He had grown up overshadowed, eclipsed by his siblings who could do things he couldn't. The fact that there were six of them, five of them older brothers, certainly didn't help. Each of them had something they were good at, something that made them special, and sometimes it seemed like there were no more things left to do. One of them had done it first.

Bill, the oldest, worked as a curse-breaker for Gringotts. He was the definition of brave. Charlie worked on a dragon preserve. What cooler job was there than that? Percy didn't work yet, but he was very smart and had plans to be Minister of Magic. Fred and George were the tricksters; their favorite thing to do was prank people. And even then they did well in their classes and had the respect of everyone. And every one of them (save Percy, obviously) had played Quidditch. Charlie had even been Seeker and captain of his team!

Then there was Ginny. Sometimes she was the worst. While Bill and Charlie enjoyed spending time with their youngest brother, no one else ever seemed to. Percy always said he had better things to do, the twins just played jokes on him and Ginny... Ginny was the youngest, Ginny was the only girl, Ginny was the cute one and the one who everyone else wanted to play with or talk to while he, Ron, was just the awkward and annoying brother.

And yet she had been the one he had neglected, the one he had forgotten. It was his fault for not being strong enough to save her, not smart enough to rescue her...

He had thought he would find friends at Hogwarts who would like him for him and, to an extent, he had. Harry was a good friend. He was loyal and brave and always saw the best in others. He had a tough life, but pressed on regardless. Harry wanted to hang out with him and actually cared about his opinion. Hermione was smart and even decided to be his friend despite the insults and taunts he had thrown at her before. She had guided them through the challenges guarding the Sorcerer's Stone and had solved the mystery of the Chamber before anyone else.

Both of them were the best friends he could ever wish for.

And therin laid his problem. His friends were amazing and he never wanted to let them down or lose them. Yet they overshadowed him in every way.

Harry: the Boy-Who-Lived, selfless, strong, powerful, brave, loyal, true...

Hermione: smartest witch of her age and able to perform spells far above her grade level, caring (even if she didn't always show it), strong-willed, loyal...

Wheras Ron was just-

Ron: average intelligence, awkwardly tall, clumsy, cowardly... He hadn't even helped much during their adventures. He had been incapacitated by the queen on the obstacles to the Sorcerer's Stone and then had frozen at the sight of spiders and been trapped behind a wall of fallen rocks during the Chamber incident. The only heroic thing he had contributed to was making Lockhart lose his memory - and even that was just his broken wand, not him!

Ron banged his head against his pillow in frustration and anger as tears leaked from beneath his closed eyelids. He tried to forget as he fell into his nightmares.

* * *

**A/N: So yeah, stream of consciousness... It worked out better than I thought it would, but I feel like it is missing something... Can I have your comments please? How did you like it (if you did, indeed, like it)? **

**And this was written for_ Fanfiction, School of Imagination, PDHPE Assessment 1 using prompts Ron Weasley, loyal, depression and eclipse. :)_**


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